Of Minds, Of Hearts
by kab16
Summary: Leah can't block out her thoughts. And Jake can't block out his. And sometimes Leah finds that her and Jake are thinking the exact same thing. Blackwater.


_**A/N: Hi! So this is a Blackwater fic I've had on my mind for a while. But I decided to write it at 1 in the morning (when I should be doing homework…oh well). Anyhow, I'm rather exhausted and so I'm not exactly sure how this came out. But I'm hoping you like it! Reviews are always appreciated, no matter what you have to say. **_

_**Disclaimer: Twilight doesn't belong to me.**_

_Of Minds, Of Hearts_

Really, nothing in the mind is meant to be shared. There are the millions of thoughts running through their head all at once, some true, some false, some wishes. Past present and future. Pictures of the hundreds of things they are seeing.

It's the one place in the world you have to yourself. The only place to store your secrets. To figure yourself out.

Your mind is meant for you and you only.

So how is it fair that I have to share mine?

Every time I'm angry; every time I explode, they get to be in there. They get to explore _my _thoughts, _my_ feelings, _my _fears my secrets my worries my memories _my_ wants _my _mind.

Every time Sam gets into my head. And every time I get into his. I see his nights with Emily, as see his regret of replaying them with me there; I see him hardly caring and see him trying so damn hard not to think of how angry he is with me just for being there.

But let's face it. You can't block out your thoughts. We don't know how. We've never needed that skill, because no one is supposed to be in there.

But the pack and that bloodsucker...well. We're the cruel exception. The freaks of nature.

No. I can't block out the thoughts I have. And the feelings I have. The feelings I'm not even sure are real. The thoughts I have of Sam.

And the thoughts I have of Jake.

Of course, every time he's in my head I'm in his. And it scares the shit out of me that sometimes he is thinking the exact same thing.

At least no one is sharing my mind now. The fantasies I can't rid myself of-Jake in my room, his beautiful human eyes staring into mine, his strong hands pulling of my top…these thoughts have me going crazy and they're so strong that I can't calm down enough to phase back. So I'm stuck in the woods until God only knows when. At least I'm alone…

_Oh wow. Having fun in there Leah?_

Shit! I try to push the thoughts away but they just come back stronger.

_Go Away!_

My mind screams to him. But he can probably hear in the background how much I'm begging him to stay.

_You sure you want that, Leah? _He laughs internally. I can see how amused he is. And how broken he is. And how scared he is. And how he is adding his own fantasies to mine.

_You know Leah…_is his predominant thought. _Maybe we should try it._

_In your dreams._

_Yeah, and in yours too,_ he thinks, though he tries not to.

And I laugh, though I try not to.

_Come on, think about (which you are). We're both broken. Rejected. Me from Bella and Renesmee, and you from Sam. Though you have to see him and his thoughts everyday-and he gets to see yours-so our brokenness just about balances out._

I want to say how much worse mine is. But then again, his 'imprint' didn't want him. So maybe his does just about equal mine.

_Exactly, _he thinks. _So we agree we've suffered a pretty equal amount of pain (_But even as he says it, I can hear beyond that thought he still believes his is worse. And he can her me thinking mine is. But then again, that just makes us seem more balanced, doesn't it?)

_We both only have half a heart left, with all the breaking it's suffered, _he continues. _But maybe if we stitch them together, they could work as one._

_Jacob…_

But suddenly his mind disappears.

_Jake?_

I startle when I hear his voice. I'd been so concentrated on the thoughts he wanted me to hear, I didn't realize he was making his way toward me all this time.

"How about it Leah?"

I stare down at him as he appears from the trees. His proposal rings in my head.

_Maybe if we stitch them together, it could work as one..._

And maybe it could. It's worth a shot. I'm tired of only having half my heart as Sam keeps a firm grip on the other.

I run behind a line of trees and force myself to phase back. I throw on the t-shirt and jeans I had around my leg and then slowly made my way back out.

I stopped when Jake came back into view. He was a good 6 yards away, but I swear in the moonlight I could see his patient eyes and the thoughts that lay beyond them.

_You ready?_

And I'm sure he can see my answer.

He takes the first step and I follow and in mere seconds that feel like hours we are only inches apart. He grabs my hands in his and his fingers trail across my skin as he stares down at them as if he is just discovering some unbelievable new world within them. Then he moves his gaze up to mine and they are staring just the way I always imagined as he lifts his hands to my face and brings his lips to mine.

And then I'm the one discovering a new unbelievable world that sparked to life when we touched and the force it took to create it was enough to engulf the other world I'm used to because suddenly there is nothing else but me and Jacob and the feeling of the kiss.

I'm having a million thoughts. Past present and future. Me and Jake. All me and Jake.

And I'm thinking that if the man I am supposed to imprint on walked my right now it wouldn't change a thing because nature doesn't chose who I love, _I _do. And I chose the boy in front of me whose heart is getting stitched up to mine.

I wonder if Sam can feel my half a heart melting in his hand and slipping through his fingers because I know I can.

But I don't get that half back. No, I get Jacob's. And he gets mine. And together, they work as so much more than one lone heart could.

Your mind is meant for you and you only. It's the one place in the world you have to yourself. The only place to store your secrets. To figure yourself out. It is never meant to be shared.

But hearts. That's a whole different story.


End file.
